Have you ever witnessed a grown woman throwing a tantrum? I mean like a full blown stomping her feet tantrum? You know the kind where tears come faster than they can be wiped away, and screams are from the very inner of her being.
Well let me tell you, if you had been on Bardstown Road last week you might have seen one. I actually witnessed the whole thing!! It was unbelievable! I know every detail because the woman throwing the tantrum was me.
I had taken my car into our mechanic because my check engine light had come on the night before. Our mechanic and friend reset my light and assured me that everything was fine with my car. I literally was in and out in 10 minutes.
Then it happened as I pulled out of the lot. Tears just began to flow and the tantrum started.
I just screamed at God “ I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK! I AM TIRED OF OTHERS TAKING CARE OF ME.” I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS WITHOUT JEFF! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN???” and on and on it went. All the way home. I would like to say that was the end but I ranted to God all night long. Grief is hard, and ugly and happens at the weirdest times.
The next morning I opened my eyes and the first thing I did was smile and say to God.. “Ummm, God I am really sorry I yelled at you all day yesterday, and you know that I did not mean all of those things I said.” “However I did mean some of what I said!” I laughed as I said those words to God because I am very aware that HE created me and he knows my every thought before I even think about speaking it.
I miss Jeff terribly and I really did not want to spend the rest of my life without him. Guess, I just need to voice that every once in awhile. Haha
I then began to thank God my Father for all of the people HE put in our life so many years ago that love Jeff and me. The people that help me with whatever I need, whenever I need it. Yes, even car repairs!!
An amazing, caring and loving God to show me so much love through HIS people.
Grief is hard and it makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes people don’t know what to do with people who are grieving. Its messy. You probably only see the Sherry that is out smiling and living life. God does allow me to do that. I am grateful that I am bent towards seeing the beauty in things. I will scratch and claw to choose joy, however you don’t see the 2 hours that morning that I spent with the Bible in my lap begging for relief from the pain.
Jesus is giving me the strength and endurance I need every day. HE goes before me and prepares the way! I am HIS all the days of my life!
I consider that our present sufferings are
Not worth comparing with the glory that will
Be revealed in us.
Glory is coming!!